When people have wronged us over and over again, and we’ve forgiven them over and over again, there comes a point, at least for me, where that bridge of trust has collapsed and no amount of reconstruction will ever reconnect the gap. I’ve experienced this with several people over the years, and sadly, some of these have been family.
Currently, this matter is becoming harassment, especially on Facebook, as this person continues making new profiles after I keep blocking the old ones. You’d think a person could take a hint, or fully understand when told outright years ago that the person has overstepped the boundaries by constantly lying and is no longer welcome and to stop contacting me.
A lot of psychologists have made it clear that ‘no contact’ is the best solution, especially when that individual has continually violated your trust. It’s not that I’ve not forgiven the person. I have. But trust is something earned, something sacred, and once it’s been completely shattered … there’s no remedy. And when actions like theft, lying, and betrayal have been habitual from a person you once thought the world of, that is why having no contact is perhaps the best safety cushion. It prevents the circumstances from ever occurring again. The heart is tender and vulnerable and needs protected at all costs.
So I have moved on and chosen not to have contact with certain people, simply because they cannot be trusted. Does that mean I don’t love them? No. Does that mean that I don’t pray for them? No. It simply means I’m not putting my mind and heart back into a position where their poison daggers can slip in again when least expected and try to cause further pain. My pain has healed over the years, but the scars are a reminder; a constant reminder not to ever lower my guard again.
I have a small circle of trust. Due to my upbringing with dysfunctional parents, few people have ever gotten into my circle. Trust has always been hard for me because my parents were pathological liars. Generally, if they said one thing, you could bet it was the opposite. Thus, the circle.
For some, once they understand that they’re not allowed back into the circle, it becomes a game or a quest for them to get back in. Regardless of how badly they’ve treated me or others in my direct family, they have a determined, almost psychotic need to regain acceptance. Sorry, but no. The door has been closed. Don’t knock and the doorbell doesn’t work. The pain inflicted over the years has caused too much damage to repair. I’ve moved on. It’s time for this person to move on as well. Hindsight is 20/20 but some things cannot be fixed.
Until next time …