We are so grateful for your prayers, encouragement, and kind words you’ve expressed to us during the past several days. I’ve not given up hope, but I’ve grown weary. The mental battle to remain strong is stressful and tiring.
Christal has been my rock, support, and biggest fan/critic of my novels. To be truthful, and I’ve stated this in the front dedications of my books, without her, I’d never have returned to my passion as a writer. And now, when she needs me the most, I cannot be (physically) there for her. In my previous post I mentioned ‘keeping my cool’ while on the phone with the hospital, but ‘keeping my composure‘ is more accurate. It’s all I can do NOT to break down on the phone if I get to talk to someone working with her. If my voice cracks, it’s over. I’d be a mess for someone to translate over the phone.
Last night makes the 3rd night NO ONE has called and updated me about her condition. No one called yesterday morning at the shift change, either, and they had told me when I couldn’t see her after they admitted her that I’d be updated EVERY 12 hours. The Nurse Practitioner called around midmorning and asked if I’d been updated about Christal’s condition. I explained I hadn’t and no one is keeping me updated. She saw my wife’s nurse while on the phone with me and said that she’d talk to her and make sure she called me last evening at the end of the shift. She didn’t. Either the NP lied OR the nurse ignored her instructions.
While on the phone with the NP, she said that she visited Christal and told her, “you look worse than you did the day before”. WTH? What kind of bedside manner is that? Psychologically, that’s like someone asking, “You like my new haircut?” “God no! I’d let that grow out before showing my face in public.” Such statements stab hope and lessen one’s self-esteem.
They refuse to give her an alternate treatment. When I mentioned an option, the NP said, “We don’t use that here.”
The NP went on and said that even I had said that she shouldn’t take the medicine offered. I replied, “Have you read the side-effects?” (Not to mention, it’d takes over 10 days in the hospital to administer)
She said, “It’s better than death.” (NO LIE, she said that) A threat? I’m not sure how to take that. As a patient, she has the right to refuse any medication. The more I thought about what this NP said, the greater my stress became. Basically, it’s THIS or NOTHING.
There are safer alternatives but they refuse to use them.
Isolating people from their families, spouses, during their most vulnerable time is NOT healthy for the patient. She has viral pneumonia and the picture of the rash in an earlier post was sepsis.
Before all of this, she had a three-day break last week and we worked out together in the gym each day. She had expressed for weeks that she wanted to get back in shape, but our gym is no longer 24/7, so the open hours conflict with her work schedule. After our third day of working out, she thought she had a bladder infection and fever, so she went to a doctor. She took the meds and returned to work. At work, she had difficulty breathing. I’m certain wearing a mask didn’t help her situation. Of course, she didn’t know she had pneumonia, either.
I texted her last night and asked if she wanted me to call. She said to wait a while. She had dozed off and slumped down into the bed. This hindered her oxygen intake and when she awakened, she was having a hard time breathing. Another reason being isolated is dangerous.
Yesterday, I spent a lot of the morning cleaning and vacuuming the house to get rid of dust. I used Lysol to sanitize couches and bathrooms, etc. I rewashed blankets, sheets, and pillow cases (3rd time since had first gotten fever). Knowing she’d need a humidifier when she gets home, I drove to Lowe’s to find a decent one and a song came on the radio, so I started singing along. It wasn’t a sad song. In fact, the song was cheerful, but involuntary tears leaked from the sides of my eyes, even though I didn’t feel like crying. I couldn’t stop them. It was then I realized my stress level, and I know Christal’s must be far worse. She wants to come home so badly and we thought her chances were much higher that she would yesterday.
There’s no price you can put on a loved one’s value in your life. Such an absence stings in a way I cannot describe. I’ve never taken Christal for granted, but when I dropped her off to work the last day I saw her, I never imagined she’d be stuck there for days.
I reached out to a criminal attorney that deals with medical malpractice to see what our options are. If they continue leaving me in the dark, we will transfer her to another hospital.
More soon …